Life's a Stage
by Laryna6
Summary: A mysterious video camera has been found on Devil May Cry premises. Who is spying on our hero? A CharactersStrikeBack fic. Capcom will pay. Morning after the MST party.
1. Camera Unshy

Disclaimer: If I owned DMC, would I be writing a characters strike back fic?

Some explanation: Kamiya was in charge of DMC1. DMC1 was originally Resident Evil 4, but the characters and setting (Mallet) eventually got drifted so far off they made a new game. The Artbook has character sketches and somewhat chronicles the process. There's a partial artbook translation at IGN. Kamiya also supervised the writing of a novella, set post-Eva's death. Kamiya also did a Dante alternate plot in Viewtiful Joe (a game with its own plot featuring Alastor), as a self-parody of DMC. Then, Tanaka did 2 and 3, and authorized a manga covering the 1-year before meeting. There were also the 3 Dreamwave comics in America, which were essentially authorized fanfiction.

There's been a lot of confusion about what is DMC 'canon', due to a lot of the series information only being available in Japanese, and people looking at illustrations/mistranslations/incorrect information (sometimes in official magazines) and spreading rumors, thinking that things that were never true/were ways it could have gone during the process were canon. Also, some think Tanaka willfully ignored previous canon and that this invalidates the novella and the non-parody plot elements of the Dante version of VJ. This has been a running argument in the livejournal and yahoo group areas of the fandom, which I recommend looking into. Also, like a pervious commercial for DMC3, the new DMC4 trailer features Dante bashing a camera.

And onto the fic, which is set the day after the events of Beautiful Music and tthe morning after Seen the Glory.

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"Guys," Dante held a hand to his forehead. If he were a regular human, this would be giving him a headache. He'd never been a regular human, but it was amazing how habit could be. "Time to go to work. I just found a camera in the alley. It was so loaded with protection spells me trying to break it fixed the color on the damned thing."

"Camera?" Trish looked up from the game of darts she was playing from the desk chair. So far, she had 12 darts lined up, the tip of each in the back of the other up to the first one, which was in the very center of the dart board. The whole thing was starting to droop down from the weight of the ones at the end, and was swaying in the breeze Dante throwing the doors open to enter the office had made. Trish had been biting her lip slightly as she aimed, trying to break Nevan's current record of 21 darts stuck together without missing, the line breaking, the darts breaking, or the board breaking from the darts being thrown with too much or too little force.

"Camera." Dante nodded. "It's a device that works like a scrying target, which records scenes…"

"I know what a camera is, Dante." Trish said, peeved. She tossed the dart idly over her shoulder, ricocheting it into the box where they stored them. "Why would anyone put one in the alley? Aren't they expensive? And protection spells are really expensive." Her eyes narrowed. "You broke something expensive that belonged to someone else, and we're going to have to pay for it? Nevan's going to kill you." She said gloatingly.

"Nevan's not going to kill Daddy!" Ivory said angrily, manifesting from out of Dante's holster. "Daddy beat Nevan even if we were useless…" her lip wobbled.

"Not your fault she had an anti-gun defense, Ive." Dante said quickly.

Ebony also appeared and patted her sister on the shoulder. "Anyways, Nevan likes Daddy! Nevan' and Daddy, standin' by a tree…"

Ivory, giggling, joined in for the, "P-L-A-Y-I-N-G."

Trish burst out laughing.

Dante _wished_ he could claim he had a headache. If they thought you had a headache, you got to go lie down in a dark, _quiet_ room. Without women laughing at you. _Why_ had he given his guns female spirits! Oh. Yeah.

Her.

When they paused in their giggling at each other, Ebony looked at Dante and asked, "Did our new game get here yet?"

"Oh, yeah." Dante pulled it out of one of his trenchcoat's deep pockets. He'd been on the way to the mailbox to see if it was in. Well, now that they had it, they would quit wondering when it would get here, at least. "Here you go." He looked at the box. "Viewtiful Joe? VF… Girls, you told me you were getting a first-person shooter for the practice."

Ebony and Ivory looked innocent. He handed over the box. He'd deal with them later. They took it, yelled thanks, and ran out of the room before he changed his mind. Damn, he hoped they hadn't woken Lady up. She was still conked out on the upstairs couch after last night's party, and Hunters woke up _easy_. Lady with a hangover was not a pretty sight.

Turning back to the still-smirking Trish. "Trish, cameras don't usually have protective spells. That camera was _put_ there, to spy on us."

Trish frowned, worried now. "Mundus?"

Dante shrugged. "He has enough cultists, but I doubt they'd have the brains. Could be them, could be some other devil's cultists, could be a government, could be the media and_ then_ we're in trouble."

Trish sighed. "You said, if they find out we're devils and demons, most people won't care that we save the world?"

"Gotcha." Dante nodded. "And I don't want to close up this shop, I get told about too many demon attacks this way. Makes it easier for them to find me."

Trish sighed long-sufferingly. "I _know_, you explained all this to me already."

Dante rolled his eyes. "Anyways, call Matier and ask her to ask the government of Vie du Marii to enquire through diplomatic channels, okay? I'll tell Nevan, and she'll do the rest when she gets back from Geneva tonight."

Trish nodded, finally getting that this was serious instead of, well, Dante being Dante.

Dante went to fix himself an omelet, still worrying. The last time he'd found a mysterious camera had been before he had even picked out a name for his first shop. About… sixteen years ago. Amazing how time flew by… He'd smashed it, but then things had gotten so busy, he'd never looked into it.

Well, he'd have Nevan look into it. If yesterday had been any indication, he definitely needed to find her more to do.

And he needed to find more for her to do so that she would be spending her time doing it and avoiding situations like yesterday's _not_-almost-a-make-out-session. The fact that said make-out session had happened right _after_ her finishing something she was kind enough to do for him, bringing them into close proximity, was not a factor. Nor was he hoping it would happen again.

…and Matier and Lucia had to be wrong about him now being the rightful King of Hell, and hence needing a cathedral to be built in his honor, but he knew he damn well was the uncontested King of Denial.


	2. Play the Game

Disclaimer: If I owned Devil May Cry, would I be writing a characters strike back fic?

I'm trying to do my DMC stuff more 'realistic' in a sense then the games, so there's a lot of IRL stuff. For example, the US used to be involved in setting up puppet dictatorial regimes in Central/South America during the Cold War to stem the spread of communism (like we put Saddam in power in Iraq.) so a lot of people there don't like America even if religion isn't involved. And then there's the World Bank… And the CIA is barred from operating in the US.

Again, this is Lady around 15 years after DMC3. 15 years of hanging out with criminals and, god help her, Dante. Hence, she's less psycho and has a sense of humor. I'm also giving her some familiarity with technology, as look at her gear. And Dante's nationality is definitely not canon, but this is set in the same 'verse as my Rapture series, and Sparda is 'Swiss' in that. Oh, and Dante had an interesting youth. Read the manga.

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Trish dialed the number for the Protector's Office of the Vie du Mariian Government. No real separation of church and state there, especially as it was church_es_. Matier, and soon Lucia, was in the unenviable position of being High Priestess and 'rituals monitor' to around 500 tribes' ceremonies honoring approximately 200 gods, some of them possibly even mythical and a lot of them dead, killed by Mundus.

After all, only those with the blood of the gods were certain to be listened to on questions of, yes, I know your tribal records show that your rain god used to like a human sacrifice every so often, and I know there hasn't been as much water in the stream recently, but he changed his mind centuries ago, and the water shortage is because Arius' demons destroyed a section of the aqueduct.

Tribes from all over Europe and Africa had fled the persecution of all devil-worshippers that had arisen after Mundus' invasion, and been joined by American tribes fleeing colonization centuries later. They didn't so much have a Creole language as a complete mass of linguistic chaos. Anthropologists were going nuts trying to get visas, but the Vie du Mariian government had closed the borders until the damage caused by Arius could be repaired. Not that they liked 'fishbait,' as they called outsiders, at the best of times there. The UN was in an uproar.

Trish wondered if the Country Code for Vie du Marii, 666, had been assigned by one of the people who scorned them as superstitious pagans, regarded them as Satanists, or by the Vie du Mariians themselves as yet another sign of contempt for the no-god fools who had first tried to exterminate, then colonize, then dominate, then economically control them.

Trish drummed her pencil on the desk waiting as the call was forwarded, watching Dante, who seemed to be thinking about something. But he shook himself awake when they both heard the phone begin to ring. "This is the Protector in Waiting of the Island of the Gods. I am currently…"

"Lucia?" Trish said into the phone, puzzled.

"Trish?" Lucia asked, puzzled. "Why are you calling me when I am upstairs?" Her English was improving, but it was still a little awkward, as the language wasn't commonly spoken there.

"I was trying to call Matier." Trish explained. "I think it forwarded me to your cell."

Lucia jumped down and poked her head through the door. "Matier is presiding over the rituals to beg the forgiveness of Despaia after the outlander provoked his wrath. It is very unkind of the outsiders to always try to steal his power. It always makes him very angry. Thank you, Son of Sparda, for coming to our aid." Trish smiled: Lucia was cute when she was formal.

Dante glared at her. Yeah, you only think it's cute because she couldn't come up with a title for you. Adopted-Sister-of-a-Son-of-Sparda doesn't quite work. He was working on her, and she was calling him Dante more often, but, well, for a High Priestess in training it was reasonable for her to feel awkward about disrespecting the Gods. But he was not a god. "Rituals?"

"As he is a God of Fire, there will be burnt offerings at the springs that are sacred to him," Lucia said earnestly.

Translation: barbeque at the hot springs. And probably skinny dipping and mass quantities of rum. No wonder Matier had wanted to drop Lucia off with him. You had to admire the islanders' approach to religion. Except for the bit about building a cathedral to him. That was just embarrassing. But if even Pops hadn't managed to get out of it (the place where the coin Arcana was kept was dedicated to him), how the hell was he going to? "When are they finishing up?'

"A week," Lucia said mournfully. Poor girl was probably missing her mother already. Reminded him… and he just _bet_ that was why the old witch had dropped her off with him. Woman looked like a harmless old bat… Why did he have to have this weakness for helping people? He should introduce her to _his_ old coping mechanisms. That would make Matier just _wish_ she'd kept the girl around for only moderate rum and orgies.

Don't make her homesick, idiot. "I found a camera on the grounds, and I wanted Matier to get your guys to ask around and see if it was the CIA or anything." He had to speak a little louder to be heard over the noises that were coming from Ebony and Ivory's video game.

Lucia nodded. "The CIA, yes… Matier told me they tried to have us conquered many times." Evil outlanders. "But I thought they were not allowed to do things inside your country?"

Dante shook his head. "Not my country, I'm Swiss, and that's what they want you to think."

Lucia clearly wouldn't put it past them. "I will call." She closed the door and jumped back into the loft.

A few seconds later, Trish was about to ask Dante something when they heard footsteps on the stairs and the door banged open. "Three shots. How can I get tipsy on three shots? I never get out of gang negotiating sessions without knocking back half a dozen so they think I'm macho enough to hire." Lady griped, walking through the office to the other half of the complex, where Dante's and Trish's quarters were. "And don't get up, I know where the towels are."

"Camera." Dante said.

She stopped. "And I bet you bashed it, didn't you. You bash everything. Where is it?"

"In the alley." He pointed out the door.

Lady raised an eyebrow. "You go get it. You break it, you bring back the bits. Like my bike."

Dante winced. Trish looked up. Bike?

"After all, you were the one who thought that humans shouldn't do things when there were big strong demons around to do it for them." She batted her eyelashes at him, grinning.

"You know, I liked you more when you were racist and homicidal. I don't know what the bald nutjob was thinking. You," he pointed at her as he went to the double doors, "were _never_ a good girl, let alone innocent. Pure? Maybe. But pure what, I don't want to know." They both were grinning now.

"Bite me. So I have an excuse to shoot you," Lady suggested.

Dante laughed, and went to go get the camera. He and Lady spread it out on the floor and tried to identify the source from the components while Lucia called, Trish took calls, and Ebony and Ivory giggled at the strange sounds coming from their game.

Then, suddenly, they started laughing hysterically. Ebony yelled for Alastor, who landed on the ground and started yelling something about that wasn't him! Funny, it hadn't looked like a game that would have vampires in it…

"Daddy, daddy, come see!" Ebony and Ivory ran through the side door. "We just beat up Alastor!"

"That is not me! Even if it does have my name!" Alastor followed, shaking his fist.

Dante rolled his eyes and let them drag him off to see what the fuss was all about.

…a chibi version of Alastor in his armor? Named Alastor? With lightening powers? What the hell? "Trish? Lady? You might want to come see this…"


	3. The Game's Afoot!

Disclaimer: I own neither Devil May Cry nor Viewtiful Joe. Don't even own copies of the games.

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"You're right, that is Alastor," Trish said, amazed.

"No it's not!"

"How did flyboy here end up in a video game?" Lady asked, frowning and pointing at Alastor.

"Alastor, did you show off again?" Dante frowned. Surely he hadn't skateboarded wearing _armor,_ of all things. But the game boss was, indisputably, a mini version of Alastor. Even had his name.

"No more than 4 feet of air," Alastor nodded firmly, adjusting his goggles. He didn't want to get his skateboard confiscated again.

And Alastor wouldn't wear his battle outfit to skateboard, Dante thought as he looked thoughtfully at the black sweatshirt and white scarf Alastor wore among humans in imitation of it, any more than Nevan would walk around topless. They'd get stared at.

And Nevan topless would get a lot more than stared at. She'd used to wear a black tee, but then some jerk in a bar where they were meeting with the local poor excuses for criminal masterminds had tried to feel her up.

Luckily they hadn't been stupid enough to try to charge him to fix the wall the idiot had been knocked through and every single electronic thing in the place.

But that outfit was Alastor's default 'human' appearance, and the armor his demonic form, like Nevan always appeared topless when she changed back from the scythe.

Dante only looked in order to hand her her clothes. At least, now. So… was this a case of someone seeing him, like that Japanese comic magazine that had characters based on him and that jerk in England who'd copied his clothes?

Dante agreed with the Hellsing Organization on that one. If they think it's just fiction, then they're more likely to ignore _you_. Though he heard Integra'd come pretty close to staging a raid on the place.

They watched Ebony finish the stage, and then Lady asked, "Could you play that again?"

Ivory took over and they all watched it again, Lucia going over to her stuff to get a book at one point.

"Dante, your security has holes big enough to fit Temen ni Gru through." Lady sighed.

"When did this game come out?"

Ivory handed him the box. "We pre-ordered it, remember Daddy?"

"Capcom." Dante said, after looking at the box. "They've been spying on me to make video games? Okay, that's weird, even for my life."

"And that's saying something." Lady nodded. "If they're spying on you, who else are they spying on? Is this a plot to make people more familiar with demons?"

"So they know what to look for?" Dante nodded. "I can't believe someone would spy on me just for a game. They have to know I'm going to get medieval on them." He cracked his knuckles.

"Should I start gathering firewood?" Lucia asked helpfully.

They stared at her. "Wha?" Trish said finally.

"For the sacrifices?" They just blinked at her. "They have offended a god by disgracing the image of one of your servants, Son of Sparda," she added helpfully, "As a Priestess, it is my duty to wreak vengeance on them for you."

"Vengeance? What about Mundus?" Nevan was finally here. She must have flown in an upper window and changed back. Into that suit. She'd had it custom made, black, after meeting Integra. It had been custom fit, and she looked sharp and sleek in it, real sharp. Like a knife. Nevan was better at manipulating people than he was, so he'd quickly had her take over managing his father's bank. She looked more shark-like in that suit than a shark. Her eyes were narrowed at the thought of that three-eyed… she looked like she was ready to kill, as soon as he gave the word. In style.

He looked hurriedly back at the game. "Take a look at this. We're being spied on."

"By who?" She watched the game for a few seconds, than grabbed Alastor, who had been trying to look inconspicuous. "Dante, I apologize for my childish brother. I take full responsibility for whatever he's done now."

"I didn't do any…urk!" Nevan grabbed him by the throat, fingernails turning to claws.

"Shut. Up." Her eyes glowed red-orange as she glared at him.

"Not his fault." For once. He'd had to cast memory spells on a whole skate park just two months ago… again. "I found a camera on the property earlier today. I was going to ask you to check into it when you got back, but then Ebony and Ivory's game arrived, and we found this." Dante gestured at the TV.

"The camera's definitely Japanese, but then a lot of them are," Lady added. "I'm special ordering a lot of parts for my bike from Japan now."

"Someone's spying on us, despite all the wards and government agreements and checking over the property we have and do," Trish summed up, amazed, "And it's not Mundus trying to gather information to destroy us, it's not Hunters paranoid that we're on the other side, sorry Lady, it's a video game company?"

"Sigurd is going to be very unhappy when they are all dead. He likes the Resident Evil games." Lucia shook her head sadly. They all stared at her again. "Apparently they are very good games, although Matier does not let me play because it would distract me from training." They still stared at her.

"We're not going to kill them."

Lucia blinked. "But…"

"I don't kill humans. Unless they're like Arius." Dante paused. Was this another case of a corporation owner trying to steal the power of a 'god?'

"Not even really annoying ones," Lady commented. "Even if we shoot him, he saves us. He tries to act all tough but he's just a big softy." She grinned evilly at him.

Dante glared back.

Lucia nodded. "The Son of Sparda is very kind. Which is why I should repay him by sacrificing those who wish to steal his power." She'd made the connection too. Damn. She was just a kid, but she was a sharp kid. She'd reminded him of Lady, trying to be fierce and fight for her mother but not really enough of a bastard to succeed at it. She was growing up quick, though, just like Lady. Matier was very proud of her. "But I am not senior enough to perform sacrifices yet. I shall call Matier for permission. This is important enough to disturb her." Hopefully Matier would talk some sense into her.

Either that, or get the knives ready and lecture her on proper form. One never really knew with Matier… It had been strange to find out that there was a whole tribe of partbloods. He'd gone from being probably the only one of his kind to, well, having a kind. Although he was much more powerful than most of them.

"We'll keep playing to see if there's any more stuff with us!" Ebony said cheerfully.

"You do that." Dante nodded as Lucia went upstairs to call.

"I'll call our lawyers," Nevan said, heading for her room. Alastor made himself scarce as soon as she released her hold on his neck.

"I'll see if I can get any more clues from the camera." Lady headed for the door to the front office. Trish followed her, miming that she would answer the phone.

He loved competent women, Dante thought, as he grabbed the first opportunity today to grab something to eat.


	4. Game Start

Disclaimer: I don't own Devil May Cry or anything else that might be mentioned in this fic.

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Trish and Alastor covered for Dante, taking the calls throughout the day so Dante, Lady, Nevan, Lucia, and Matier when she arrived, teleporting in via the Displacement technique, could hold an ongoing council of war. Or litigation. Whichever.

Lady managed to trace one of the parts back to a custom maker she used, and threatened violence and/or canceling future orders if he didn't tell them who they sold the part to. To no one's surprise, the company that ordered it and the lot numbers on other parts were traced to Capcom.

Most of the time, owning a bank was a huge hassle. He had to show up to meetings to prove he was still alive and not assassinated like the rest of them, he'd had to threaten a mob boss gone legit who had recognized him with a slow, painful death courtesy of Nevan if he told _anyone_ (Dante shuddered at the thought of the Batman jokes that would ensue if anyone found out a rich kid was in this business), and, worst of all, he had to wear a suit.

Now, Nevan could make a suit look good. But Nevan could make _anything_ look good, even overalls that time she'd gone undercover on a farm to help track down a sorcerer.

But no matter how expensively tailored it was, he always thought he looked like a penguin. He didn't like wearing mostly black. Black was the color of mourning. He didn't mourn, he fought.

He'd had a deep red suit made once, but the tailor had made it look antique to compensate for the unusual color, and he'd looked in the mirror and seen his dad looking back at him.

Most of the photos he had of his dad were wearing antique clothing. Mom had gotten out the photo album at the slightest provocation, and that tunic and longcoat were engraved in his memory just as much as the photos she'd taken of him in devil form.

He'd hid it from Mom, who had that soft look in her eyes when she looked at the photos and told him how their father was a man who fought for the weak, but he'd been ashamed that that… _thing_ was his father.

Not much of a father, getting himself killed when they were too young to remember him and leaving Mom to protect them from Hunters who had wanted them dead for being demon spawn, from sorcerers wanting to find out what powers could be gotten from them, and Dad's enemies.

He'd stood there over her body the day after she died and _hated_ his father.

He… now he was older, he knew that his father hadn't wanted to die, had really loved his mother, was someone it was an honor to be the son of as Vergil had thought, but… he still didn't want to wear a suit.

But having a battalion of investigators and computer technicians who were very experienced in discovering corporate wrongdoing (both he and his father had refused to invest their bank's money in unethical companies) and system security holes (for purposes of keeping people out, but the same tricks applied) was making what he'd thought would take weeks take only a few hours with one phone call.

Capcom had gotten a hold of footage from the Temen ni Gru incident (the security cameras at the Love Planet had miraculously survived, and the news choppers had been attacked by bloodgoyles when Arkham had opened the portal but at least a few of them had tapes spared by the crash), and had later thought that since the Hellsing agency hadn't objected (very much), to a manga and anime based on them, that they could base a video game series on what they all had to admit was very game-worthy material.

They had then placed a camera on the property, and caught Trish's arrival, and had bought the Uroboros Corporation's security footage when the company had been broken up to pay the fines caused by Arius' 'terrorist acts.'

They had already completed a game based on Arius' plot, as they had so much footage of the important scenes, a game which the hackers downloaded and Ebony and Ivory agreed sucked, and were contemplating games based on what had happened at Temen ni Gru and Mallet island, although those were still in production because they didn't have any footage of the key bits and hence didn't know what had actually happened.

Dante was seething. If they had to make video games about his life-and-death struggles for vengeance, couldn't they at least make good ones?

Nevan was also seething. "What's got you so fired up?" He asked, eyebrow raised. Her face. Look at her face.

"They have footage of me half-naked while transforming." She pointed at the screen, eyes flashing, fists clenching and unclenching. Dante couldn't help himself, he looked. "They were planning to put this into a game, distribute it worldwide so thousand of teenage boys would drool over me, and not. Pay. Me. One. Red. Cent!" Sparks flew. They all ducked. "Sorry," she growled out. "I'll get another monitor out of storage." She stalked off, muttering under her breath, "I'm going to sue those bastards so bad I'll drain them dry…"

"Hold on a sec." Lady raised her hand for attention. "If we sue them, a major corporation, won't they threaten to go public? We can't risk exposing demons and Hunting! The whole world would panic! And what about you, Dante?" Her eyes were concerned. They both knew that even though she'd figured out he was a good guy eventually, he wouldn't be able to fight beside the whole world. In a panic, they'd look at him and only see what his father was. Just like most of those who _already_ knew.

"We should sacrifice them," Lucia suggested, "then they will not be able to tell anyone anything."

Matier sighed. "Lucia, they do not worship the gods. Only those who bind themselves by the laws of the gods are subject to them."

"Oh! Forgive my lapse, Matier." Lucia hung her head, embarrassed.

To get everyone to quit staring at the poor girl, Trish spoke up, saying, "Can't we just do a cover-up? Wipe their memories?"

Dante had been watching the TV (not computer) monitor, where Ebony and Ivory were still playing the game that had been made, muttering under their breaths about how it made them look bad. It made him look bad, too. You know, his life would make a kick-ass videogame… and it would be great to get some credit for once. "I've got a better idea."


	5. Endgame

Disclaimer: If I owned Devil May Cry, we would know if sorceress!Eva is still canon. (According to VJ and apparently the novella, she resurrected Dante during the attack that took her life, as well as Trish in DMC1.)

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"Muahahaha!" Ivory giggled maniacally, pressing buttons as fast as she could shoot.

"Fear us!" Ebony made a victory sign. "Take _that_, Phantom!"

Ivory put down the controller when the boss battle finished and they grinned, watching the spider be squished. Daddy was so cool!

"There's more than one gun slot, you know." Alastor pouted. "And I did all the work in that battle, not you!"

They stuck out their tongues. "You're just jealous because Daddy always brings us when he goes hunting, and you get left behind most of the time."

"Because you're a baby," Ebony added helpfully.

"I'm two thousand-something! I am not a baby! You're the babies!" Alastor shook his fist at them.

"Daddy only uses you at all because of Nevan because you're immature and try to 'warn' him when he's trying not to let demons know he knows they're there, like they put in the game. And we're less babies than you and we're only 21." Ivory stuck out her tongue again for emphasis. She and Ebony then looked at each other, giggled, and stuck their tongues out at Alastor again.

Ebony started playing, it was her turn.

"Let me play! I'll show you!"

"We let you play. You died really easily and made Daddy look weak." Glares.

Ebony reconsidered. "Go fetch Ifrits so they can see the bit with them and then we'll let you play. On Easy mode." Twin grins.

"It's Ifrit, not Ifrits. I don't get it. You don't call Beowulf 'them' and he's gauntlets too. And …foot gauntlets."

"Ifrits is Ifrits 'cause Ifrits is Ifrits," Ivory explained wearily. "There's Ifrit who is all Burn! Burn burn burn!" she waved her arms. "And Ifrit who sleeps in the furnace and keeps the shop warm. Kill the puppets!" she turned quickly and cheered Ebony on.

"Puppets are evil!" Ebony agreed.

"But he's only one demon!" Alastor insisted and was ignored.

"Not as evil as clowns, though," Ivory pointed out.

"Clowns are evil! Dancing around instead of holding still so we could shoot him! Meanie!" Ebony took it out on the puppets.

Lady and Trish lounged on the couch a few yards back from the huddle around the TV. "Damn right clowns are evil," Lady nodded. "They said they're releasing the game version of Temen ni Gru four years after this comes out?"

Nevan nodded, leaning on the back of the couch. "That's the deal, sugar, so it looks like they had to go through the whole process instead of being told what to do by us."

"Five years, and then he-who-is-not-my-father will be the laughingstock of the whole world. I can't _wait_." Lady grinned, and drank her orange juice. "Too bad with the cartridges enspelled, no one will make the connection. But if people found out…" she shrugged.

Nevan grimaced. "And they knew it too. I could have _raped_ them at the bargaining table if they hadn't held that over our heads. As it was, we made out like bandits. Royalties, come to Mama." She grinned, little fangs showing just enough Lady had to work to ignore them. Dante was… Dante, Lucia and Matier were mostly human, Trish was… an honorary human, she could ignore the rest of them, but the succubus just pushed her buttons for some reason.

And that reason wasn't that Nevan seemed to have caught Dante on the rebound… sixteen years after she'd rejected him. She'd had to… it wouldn't have worked out, they both had missions of vengeance, she didn't want to shatter the fragile truce they had had then before it turned into friendship…

But here she was, over 30, and even if she didn't look her age… she was going to end up an old maid. This wasn't a safe profession, if she retired they'd come after her, look what had happened to Dante's family…

Look on the bright side. At some point Dante's going to make a Virgin Mary joke and then you can shoot him in the head again. Just like old times.

"I think the games'll be a good thing, and not just for the money," Lady said to continue the conversation. "They show how powerful demons are, how many shots it takes to kill one. How incredible you have to be to take them out. It should hopefully cut down on amateurs thinking they can do our job without proper training first." She'd trained for months…

Trish nodded. "Generally, at least a couple people have to die before they call us in."

"Same with me." Lady nodded.

Nevan sighed. "I still wish I'd managed to get them to re-do the Vie du Marii game. Poor Lucia…" she sighed. "Chick's had a hard knock life, that's for sure, sugar."

No one bothered to mention that they'd all had rough times too. Didn't mean it was okay for anyone else to suffer. That was why they were in this business. "Cheapskates." Lady snorted. "It wouldn't have cost that much to re-do the game to make it suck less."

They all stared at her. Lady blinked. "What?"

"You said suck, sugar." Nevan looked amused.

"I use hell and damnation," Lady pointed out.

"Yeah, those are technical terms. What's so strange about her using bad language?" Trish asked. Practically everyone she'd met so far who hunted swore like crazy, and a lot of the clients too.

"You've come a long way from Miss Pure and Innocent," Nevan congratulated her.

Lady rolled her eyes. "Ha ha. But they shouldn't make a 'priestess' be in a game that makes her 'god' look bad. Poor girl."

Poor girl with many knives, bombs, and training (theoretical, so far), in a myriad of ways to perform human sacrifices. Too bad she was a good girl (Lady remembered being a good girl) and listened to Matier, otherwise that game would have been revised damn fast.

Yes. She thought damn. Making something that showed devils and demons in a favorable light was luring people onto the path of unrighteousness. A damnable offense literally.

But who the hell cared? She drank her orange juice. "The Temen ni Gru game should be great, though. I can't wait to see what they do with the bits you told them about, Nevan. Poor Dante, I can't wait to see his face when people around the world see him jammin' and using my bike like a baseball bat. I'd almost forgotten what a brat he was back then." She grinned. "Almost."


End file.
